Thursday, June 4, 2015
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
January...a little late.
Hi Declan!
HAPPY NEW YEAR1!!!!!
we spent new years eve at Beth's house in Round Hill again. had a fantastic time. What's new? well, let's see. my birthday party was a hit. you're talking up a storm..."not yet" is a favorite now. You're able to follow reasoning a bit more. I've only had to toss you into time out a few times AND you're becoming quite determined to get your way(aka rude talking back snarky responses)
BUT....with all these lovely snarky sides of you, you're more communicative about your feelings, wants and needs. Your'e trying new things, you're still obsessed with diego and I'm still alicia.
We had a great christmas with Oma at our house. You got a cash register from oma, a toolset, jammies and toy story from meemaw and papaw, thatha and ammai gave you finding nemo (which i've not gotten into the dvd player yet)/
i don't really have a whole lot else to say at this point in time. I'll try to pay closer attention to your developments.
I love you
Mom
HAPPY NEW YEAR1!!!!!
we spent new years eve at Beth's house in Round Hill again. had a fantastic time. What's new? well, let's see. my birthday party was a hit. you're talking up a storm..."not yet" is a favorite now. You're able to follow reasoning a bit more. I've only had to toss you into time out a few times AND you're becoming quite determined to get your way(aka rude talking back snarky responses)
BUT....with all these lovely snarky sides of you, you're more communicative about your feelings, wants and needs. Your'e trying new things, you're still obsessed with diego and I'm still alicia.
We had a great christmas with Oma at our house. You got a cash register from oma, a toolset, jammies and toy story from meemaw and papaw, thatha and ammai gave you finding nemo (which i've not gotten into the dvd player yet)/
i don't really have a whole lot else to say at this point in time. I'll try to pay closer attention to your developments.
I love you
Mom
Sunday, December 19, 2010
MAY 5, 2008
Remove May 5, 2008
It’s not THAT bad...right??
Current mood:exhausted
ok, so i'm usually an upbeat, optimistic person...Still am I'm sure, somewhere under the sleep depraived exterior...she still exists.
So, little Declan turned 3 weeks this past friday (yay). at his 2 week appointment he'd gained 2lbs. He's started to develop that double chin that babies have. Jabba the hut as I like to call him. He loves to sleep all day. did I mention sleep deprivation? Well it's all self inflicted and I don't mind admitting it. Several friends have told, urged, warned me to sleep during the day when he does. But you all know me. I don't stop moving. blame it on genetics. My grandmother was the same way. Things need to get done. Dishes won't wash themselves, especially since the Friigin dishwasher stopped working. Dogs need to be fed, floors cleaned, babies fed and changed. Oh, and there's a little detail about feeding myF'ing SELF!!! I have3 more weeks until I'm supposed to be back to work part time. THREE weeks!?? who am I kidding?! I feel like i need a year to get my shit together. But then again, I'm dying to get back to work. Oh, there was a point...I need to learn to nap whenever Declan naps right? Well, that'd be all day. he's up for a while, then naps for anywhere from one to 4 hours, then wakes up to eat. So, I go to bed relatively early, try to sleep as late as possible and do my best to not KILL the dogs when they wake me up at 7 in the morning or interrupt a perfectly good nap in the middle of the day.
Oh, and Shane's in Florida for another 4 days. I miss him terribly!!! Not just because he's my favorite person and I'm madly in love with him and I HATE being apart from him, but he's an amazing Daddy and Husband. He had been home enough to let me take Declan so I could nap when he was awake but didn't need to be attached to me.
I'm not going to go into detail about the financial side of me not working for 2 months.
But overall, it's not that bad right? I've got this amazing family that makes my heart sing louder than the songs of the crazy drug addled hamsters that run my brain
And honestly, Declan's sleep patterns will eventually even out. I'll go back to work, Shane will be home in 4 days and I'm going to put the dogs in their cages tonight in the hopes of sleeping past 7am.
so there....it's not that bad
and now, it's 10:30 at night and i'm putting myself to bed. Wish me luck on more than an hours sleep at a time. HA
It’s not THAT bad...right??
Current mood:exhausted
ok, so i'm usually an upbeat, optimistic person...Still am I'm sure, somewhere under the sleep depraived exterior...she still exists.
So, little Declan turned 3 weeks this past friday (yay). at his 2 week appointment he'd gained 2lbs. He's started to develop that double chin that babies have. Jabba the hut as I like to call him. He loves to sleep all day. did I mention sleep deprivation? Well it's all self inflicted and I don't mind admitting it. Several friends have told, urged, warned me to sleep during the day when he does. But you all know me. I don't stop moving. blame it on genetics. My grandmother was the same way. Things need to get done. Dishes won't wash themselves, especially since the Friigin dishwasher stopped working. Dogs need to be fed, floors cleaned, babies fed and changed. Oh, and there's a little detail about feeding myF'ing SELF!!! I have3 more weeks until I'm supposed to be back to work part time. THREE weeks!?? who am I kidding?! I feel like i need a year to get my shit together. But then again, I'm dying to get back to work. Oh, there was a point...I need to learn to nap whenever Declan naps right? Well, that'd be all day. he's up for a while, then naps for anywhere from one to 4 hours, then wakes up to eat. So, I go to bed relatively early, try to sleep as late as possible and do my best to not KILL the dogs when they wake me up at 7 in the morning or interrupt a perfectly good nap in the middle of the day.
Oh, and Shane's in Florida for another 4 days. I miss him terribly!!! Not just because he's my favorite person and I'm madly in love with him and I HATE being apart from him, but he's an amazing Daddy and Husband. He had been home enough to let me take Declan so I could nap when he was awake but didn't need to be attached to me.
I'm not going to go into detail about the financial side of me not working for 2 months.
But overall, it's not that bad right? I've got this amazing family that makes my heart sing louder than the songs of the crazy drug addled hamsters that run my brain
And honestly, Declan's sleep patterns will eventually even out. I'll go back to work, Shane will be home in 4 days and I'm going to put the dogs in their cages tonight in the hopes of sleeping past 7am.
so there....it's not that bad
and now, it's 10:30 at night and i'm putting myself to bed. Wish me luck on more than an hours sleep at a time. HA
MARCH 26 2008
filling in the gaps
Current mood:loved
So, i was just reading my blogs.
what’s new with me? well, i’m 12 days away from my "due" date. The initial thrill of baby movement in the belly hasn’t QUITE worn off, but i’m completely used to it now. I’m sure I’ll be sort of lost when i don’t have the little squirrel moving around in me. well, I take that back. I won’t be lost without it, i’ll have the little guy/girl in my arms squiggling around and trying to break out of the crib I’m sure.
I also thought I’d fill in the gaps of how my year went last year.
AS you all know, i married the long lost love from tx - Shane
I went down to visit in June, was high as a kite (on love!!!) the whole weekend. He proposed to me that weekend!! I said yes - of course.
July - went back for a visit - got knocked up (apparently my dr wasn’t comPLETELy right when he said i may need help getting pregnant...oops) but we were completely thrilled and freaked out by it!
August and Sept - Shane came up here for visits
Oct - we got married
Nov.- he moved up here
That was last year. This year’s been about work, getting ready for the baby and loving my life with the most amazing husband who spoils me WAY beyond what I could have ever expected!!!
I can’t wait to meet this little person that’s been growing in me. I’ll post pictures as soon as we have the baby and I have a spare minute.
toodles
Current mood:loved
So, i was just reading my blogs.
what’s new with me? well, i’m 12 days away from my "due" date. The initial thrill of baby movement in the belly hasn’t QUITE worn off, but i’m completely used to it now. I’m sure I’ll be sort of lost when i don’t have the little squirrel moving around in me. well, I take that back. I won’t be lost without it, i’ll have the little guy/girl in my arms squiggling around and trying to break out of the crib I’m sure.
I also thought I’d fill in the gaps of how my year went last year.
AS you all know, i married the long lost love from tx - Shane
I went down to visit in June, was high as a kite (on love!!!) the whole weekend. He proposed to me that weekend!! I said yes - of course.
July - went back for a visit - got knocked up (apparently my dr wasn’t comPLETELy right when he said i may need help getting pregnant...oops) but we were completely thrilled and freaked out by it!
August and Sept - Shane came up here for visits
Oct - we got married
Nov.- he moved up here
That was last year. This year’s been about work, getting ready for the baby and loving my life with the most amazing husband who spoils me WAY beyond what I could have ever expected!!!
I can’t wait to meet this little person that’s been growing in me. I’ll post pictures as soon as we have the baby and I have a spare minute.
toodles
nov 11, 2007
the alien is on the move
Current mood:giddy
So just a few days ago, i got up from sitting down and felt sort of ...cramped on one side of my tummy. Then all of a sudden it sort of shifted.
I mean...not a flutter, not a slither...just a shift.
I hate to say it, but for a moment i thought "gee, do i have to go potty??". How sad that the first movements I recognize i compare to a bowel movement!
but the cool thing is that now that I know what it IS, i'm THRILLED! Just tonight Shane and I were watching a movie and he had his hand on my belly and he says "I felt that!!!". What an amazing thing! He felt a shift that I didn't even feel. He agreed it's more of a Slide or shift on the inside of the belly than a full blown movement. Nothing major, just a small movement.
I'm so in love! My husband blows me away every day and I'm dumbfounded he's actually HERE and I get to spend every day with him! It's so natural and comfortable to have my family here...FINALLY!!
We're having a Gumbo Dinner this coming Sat the 17th so I'll try to take pictures to post.
I may also take photo's of the belly cuz it's definitely getting big enough to notice.
Current mood:giddy
So just a few days ago, i got up from sitting down and felt sort of ...cramped on one side of my tummy. Then all of a sudden it sort of shifted.
I mean...not a flutter, not a slither...just a shift.
I hate to say it, but for a moment i thought "gee, do i have to go potty??". How sad that the first movements I recognize i compare to a bowel movement!
but the cool thing is that now that I know what it IS, i'm THRILLED! Just tonight Shane and I were watching a movie and he had his hand on my belly and he says "I felt that!!!". What an amazing thing! He felt a shift that I didn't even feel. He agreed it's more of a Slide or shift on the inside of the belly than a full blown movement. Nothing major, just a small movement.
I'm so in love! My husband blows me away every day and I'm dumbfounded he's actually HERE and I get to spend every day with him! It's so natural and comfortable to have my family here...FINALLY!!
We're having a Gumbo Dinner this coming Sat the 17th so I'll try to take pictures to post.
I may also take photo's of the belly cuz it's definitely getting big enough to notice.
Oct 20, 2007
stories for the kid
Current mood:nerdy
So as many of you know...I have a vivid imagination. I know - i know....amazing. I'm SO calm and level headed you'd never think i could make up crazy stories. but i do. So here's one of the stories i've made up lately.
When asked "mommy, where did I come from?" (sometime in the future by the little Steddum child who willl be nothing but joy and angelic compliance to all my whims, demands, etc - note the vivid imagination already starting)
I will respond...well sweetie pie, you're actually an alien love child.
"Huh??" will more than likely be the sweet child's response (OR the poor thing will be so used to my outlandish stories that it'll just walk away)
If he/she wants a response, here it is.
Back in July of 2007, your father went to the local pub Chelsea's for lunch before picking me up at the airport. The local bar floozie, who firmly believed she had been abducted by aliens the night before, and was sharing the story with anyone who was unfortunate to be in earshot, was enamoured by your dad's beautiful eyes and was fervently trying to pick him up.
When trying to give him a lap dance, which he successfully deflecting by standing up She spilled her drink on him. He got his check and came to the airport to pick me up.
Well apparently, the little floozie wasn't kidding about being abducted by aliens. They were, however, VERY inept aliens who hadn't learned how to use their new implantation equipment. Therefore, leaving an implant pod on her nose instead of implanting it INTO her! I said they were inept...let's add stupid too. So, when she was trying to take a sip from the beer that she spilled on your dad, it would seem that she had also dipped her nose in the drink, dislodging the pod into the beer which became lodged onto your dad's shirt when she spilled her drink on him.
Later that weekend, my bellybutton started itching reeeally bad. I thought i'd gotten a bug bite of some sort and just forgot about it. It would seem that the pod was transferred from her nose, to her drink, to your dad, then onto me. It found it's way to my bellybutton and burrowed into my stomach where it grew for close to 10 months and then out you came!!
I figured, if you were smarter than all your alien buddies....smart enough to find your way into my belly, grow, not kill me and come out looking so incredibly beautiful and cute...Your dad and I just HAD to keep you and raise you as one of our own.
So...that's where you came from.
hey...kid...you awake?? darn...fell asleep again during one of my stories.. Oh well. I'm sure i can make up more for another time.
stories for the kid
Current mood:nerdy
So as many of you know...I have a vivid imagination. I know - i know....amazing. I'm SO calm and level headed you'd never think i could make up crazy stories. but i do. So here's one of the stories i've made up lately.
When asked "mommy, where did I come from?" (sometime in the future by the little Steddum child who willl be nothing but joy and angelic compliance to all my whims, demands, etc - note the vivid imagination already starting)
I will respond...well sweetie pie, you're actually an alien love child.
"Huh??" will more than likely be the sweet child's response (OR the poor thing will be so used to my outlandish stories that it'll just walk away)
If he/she wants a response, here it is.
Back in July of 2007, your father went to the local pub Chelsea's for lunch before picking me up at the airport. The local bar floozie, who firmly believed she had been abducted by aliens the night before, and was sharing the story with anyone who was unfortunate to be in earshot, was enamoured by your dad's beautiful eyes and was fervently trying to pick him up.
When trying to give him a lap dance, which he successfully deflecting by standing up She spilled her drink on him. He got his check and came to the airport to pick me up.
Well apparently, the little floozie wasn't kidding about being abducted by aliens. They were, however, VERY inept aliens who hadn't learned how to use their new implantation equipment. Therefore, leaving an implant pod on her nose instead of implanting it INTO her! I said they were inept...let's add stupid too. So, when she was trying to take a sip from the beer that she spilled on your dad, it would seem that she had also dipped her nose in the drink, dislodging the pod into the beer which became lodged onto your dad's shirt when she spilled her drink on him.
Later that weekend, my bellybutton started itching reeeally bad. I thought i'd gotten a bug bite of some sort and just forgot about it. It would seem that the pod was transferred from her nose, to her drink, to your dad, then onto me. It found it's way to my bellybutton and burrowed into my stomach where it grew for close to 10 months and then out you came!!
I figured, if you were smarter than all your alien buddies....smart enough to find your way into my belly, grow, not kill me and come out looking so incredibly beautiful and cute...Your dad and I just HAD to keep you and raise you as one of our own.
So...that's where you came from.
hey...kid...you awake?? darn...fell asleep again during one of my stories.. Oh well. I'm sure i can make up more for another time.
Jul 1, 2007
aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh....
so, a friend of mine invited me to go Kayaking this weekend. At first (middle of last week) my response was "maybe, but i can't go paddling for 8 hours like you do...hell, i don't know that i can do 4...no, make that 2...I don't know if I can go" he pretty much hung up the phone.
Wait, let me back up and add the previous weekend. My friend Jane called me the week before (approx june 20th) and invited me to go to Cacapon Resort in WV. I hesitated but then accepted the invitation. It's a GREAT little pond with a beach and swimming area. We brought food and soaked up the sun after a dip in the water (which was much too cold for swimming in my opinion...i'll go back in August sometime). After hanging out with her i realized.."HEY...i got out of the house and it felt great!".
Now back to the kayaking story.
Apparently i needed an activity to destress. So, yesterday morning i called him up to see if he was still interested in paddling a bit. We met up in Ashburn, VA at a reservoir off of Belmont ridge road. It was FANTASTIC!!!
I will say that after about 90 minutes i was BEAT tired. I had also gotten up early and done some gardening and run errands. But I'll tell you what. I'm leaving the Kayak on the 'Bru and going out again soon! Maybe on the 4th since i've got the day off.
It's amazing how i've gotten into this pattern of "doing" to the detriment of "living". Sad! But not so sad for the fact that I've gotten out of the house and my sad little routine and started getting outdoors to enjoy and live life!
It just makes me realize that I've forgotten what it's like to get out into nature and listen. To what you may ask? well...if you don't know, then maybe you need to get out more often. Maybe I won't go Kayaking on the 4th, maybe I'll go for a hike on the A.T.
Anything other than sitting around my house lamenting about all the "chores" I have to do. They'll need to be redone in a week anyway. So why not get out and enjoy nature?? So...that's my thoughts for today. Hope you all get a chance to go outside and listen.
S
aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh....
so, a friend of mine invited me to go Kayaking this weekend. At first (middle of last week) my response was "maybe, but i can't go paddling for 8 hours like you do...hell, i don't know that i can do 4...no, make that 2...I don't know if I can go" he pretty much hung up the phone.
Wait, let me back up and add the previous weekend. My friend Jane called me the week before (approx june 20th) and invited me to go to Cacapon Resort in WV. I hesitated but then accepted the invitation. It's a GREAT little pond with a beach and swimming area. We brought food and soaked up the sun after a dip in the water (which was much too cold for swimming in my opinion...i'll go back in August sometime). After hanging out with her i realized.."HEY...i got out of the house and it felt great!".
Now back to the kayaking story.
Apparently i needed an activity to destress. So, yesterday morning i called him up to see if he was still interested in paddling a bit. We met up in Ashburn, VA at a reservoir off of Belmont ridge road. It was FANTASTIC!!!
I will say that after about 90 minutes i was BEAT tired. I had also gotten up early and done some gardening and run errands. But I'll tell you what. I'm leaving the Kayak on the 'Bru and going out again soon! Maybe on the 4th since i've got the day off.
It's amazing how i've gotten into this pattern of "doing" to the detriment of "living". Sad! But not so sad for the fact that I've gotten out of the house and my sad little routine and started getting outdoors to enjoy and live life!
It just makes me realize that I've forgotten what it's like to get out into nature and listen. To what you may ask? well...if you don't know, then maybe you need to get out more often. Maybe I won't go Kayaking on the 4th, maybe I'll go for a hike on the A.T.
Anything other than sitting around my house lamenting about all the "chores" I have to do. They'll need to be redone in a week anyway. So why not get out and enjoy nature?? So...that's my thoughts for today. Hope you all get a chance to go outside and listen.
S
Jun 30, 2007
HA
ok, just read the 2007 goals...i'm ON it!!!
travel - I went to venezuela
I've been hanging out with my friends as much as possible - which is still not really enough.
enjoy life and know thyself....i'm working on it
shave time off triathlon....wish me luck i'm going for a bike ride tomorrow
HA
ok, just read the 2007 goals...i'm ON it!!!
travel - I went to venezuela
I've been hanging out with my friends as much as possible - which is still not really enough.
enjoy life and know thyself....i'm working on it
shave time off triathlon....wish me luck i'm going for a bike ride tomorrow
June 30, 2007
Jun 30, 2007
2007 update
well, this year has been a rollercoaster to sya the least!! Started off with the Ex moving out in January. Business took an expected seasonal nosedive, but picked back up.
February brought an unexpected surprise. An old college love of mine got back in touch with me through myspace of all things!!
March - June was a bizarre experience for me. Business picked up, hired 2 new therapists and fell MADLY in love with that old college love i mentioned!
who knew i'd fall head over heels? i mean...truly head over heels! So, what's the rest of the year going to hold? I have no idea. I'm supposed to to the Iron Girl triathlon again in August, but i've not made the time to train. I'm taking another trip and a half to Arkansas this year. the half i'll tell you all about in November :).
Check out his pictures on the Eureka Springs photo album. Best wishes to everyone...i don't know if i've kept up with my 2007 goals...but these are SO much better!!!
love to all - s
2007 update
well, this year has been a rollercoaster to sya the least!! Started off with the Ex moving out in January. Business took an expected seasonal nosedive, but picked back up.
February brought an unexpected surprise. An old college love of mine got back in touch with me through myspace of all things!!
March - June was a bizarre experience for me. Business picked up, hired 2 new therapists and fell MADLY in love with that old college love i mentioned!
who knew i'd fall head over heels? i mean...truly head over heels! So, what's the rest of the year going to hold? I have no idea. I'm supposed to to the Iron Girl triathlon again in August, but i've not made the time to train. I'm taking another trip and a half to Arkansas this year. the half i'll tell you all about in November :).
Check out his pictures on the Eureka Springs photo album. Best wishes to everyone...i don't know if i've kept up with my 2007 goals...but these are SO much better!!!
love to all - s
Friday, September 24, 2010
oh, so I AM doing something good for myself to pull myself up by my bootstraps
I joined weight watchers again and have walked every day this week.
I have 12 weeks (now closer to 11) until I turn 40.
that's at least 12 lbs i want off my body!
so, I'm feeling a little better about myself.
Still dont' want to "DO" anything.
I joined weight watchers again and have walked every day this week.
I have 12 weeks (now closer to 11) until I turn 40.
that's at least 12 lbs i want off my body!
so, I'm feeling a little better about myself.
Still dont' want to "DO" anything.
The end of another week
So, it's Friday.
yay
.
.
.
.
.
yep. Friday.
What'd i do this week? well, besides wallow in my own slightly depressed mudpit, I connected with the Petco, sent out a last minute special for my business and it brought in 2 clients.
so, not too bad
I've convinced myself i'll do one thing per week to stay in touch with my clients.
So that's 4 things i will do on rotation
1. birthday emails. Send emails out to clients who'se birthdays are in that month offering a B'day discount
2. Send a newsletter with monthly specials, updates, health tidbits and zen like relaxation techniques...(sit up straight at your desk and breathe) kind of shit.
3.
4.
huh. maybe i'll just do 2 things.
I just found out that another MT I know is so fucking burnt out on doing massage and the lack of security he's going back to school to become a nurse.
Now, I dont' want to be a nurse. But it was sadly a HUGE relief for me to hear he's dying in the field as well. we've both been at this for 14+ years and seriously folks....we're done.
So, I'm back to the dogs. I told shane i can visualize trying to build a new practice in a whole new town, but for me to work at it here...i don't want to. And if you don't want something..it won't happen.
so,
when's your Birthday?
I'll send you a coupon
yay
.
.
.
.
.
yep. Friday.
What'd i do this week? well, besides wallow in my own slightly depressed mudpit, I connected with the Petco, sent out a last minute special for my business and it brought in 2 clients.
so, not too bad
I've convinced myself i'll do one thing per week to stay in touch with my clients.
So that's 4 things i will do on rotation
1. birthday emails. Send emails out to clients who'se birthdays are in that month offering a B'day discount
2. Send a newsletter with monthly specials, updates, health tidbits and zen like relaxation techniques...(sit up straight at your desk and breathe) kind of shit.
3.
4.
huh. maybe i'll just do 2 things.
I just found out that another MT I know is so fucking burnt out on doing massage and the lack of security he's going back to school to become a nurse.
Now, I dont' want to be a nurse. But it was sadly a HUGE relief for me to hear he's dying in the field as well. we've both been at this for 14+ years and seriously folks....we're done.
So, I'm back to the dogs. I told shane i can visualize trying to build a new practice in a whole new town, but for me to work at it here...i don't want to. And if you don't want something..it won't happen.
so,
when's your Birthday?
I'll send you a coupon
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
what memory?
So lately i've been very blonde. Forgetful, scatterbrained, uuuhhh, distracted...you get the point. Some would say it's because i have a 2 year old but I just can't believe that. Some would also like to say it's because i'm about to turn 40 (in December thank you very much). Again, I don't fall for that.
There's something up. I'm so fucking bored with my life it's killing my brain! I'm burnt out. I'm depressed. So, what's new right? welcome to the realities of our lovely economic depression (note the word "depression").
So what do i do? I don't want to market my business but i'm just barely scraping by. I would love to take classes but don't have the money for it. I DID, however, buy about a hundred bucks worth of dog training/behavior books to further my skills in the doggy world.
I've Also come to the realization that 14 years in the same career is starting to wear on me. Now, I don't think i've learned all there is to learn. I do think that if given the opportunity to take some good classes i'd feel a little more motivated in my field. But alas...no cash.
So what do i want to do next? How do I plan on obtaining that next big goal??
well, my life is going to go to the dogs!
seriously. I love dogs. I love teaching people. I love seeing the dogs progress. So i've signed up for a class with Strega. I've purchased $100 of books. I've contacted Petco again about teaching with them again (a source of income). The cool thing is that the assistant manager said she'd like to talk to the regional manager for something or other about me teaching the instructor course! huh....that was just the boost to my ego i needed.
Maybe, juuuust maybe, if i take a "job", it'll give me the break i need from being a struggling massage therapist. Maybe it'll give me a much needed financial cushion. and ...AND maybe it'll allow me some extra money to take classes in Massage AND dog training! Hell, maybe Petco will send me to the seminars i want to take on THEIR dime!!!???
hmmmm, memory. wasn't this whole thing about memory? oh yeah. I forgot.
There's something up. I'm so fucking bored with my life it's killing my brain! I'm burnt out. I'm depressed. So, what's new right? welcome to the realities of our lovely economic depression (note the word "depression").
So what do i do? I don't want to market my business but i'm just barely scraping by. I would love to take classes but don't have the money for it. I DID, however, buy about a hundred bucks worth of dog training/behavior books to further my skills in the doggy world.
I've Also come to the realization that 14 years in the same career is starting to wear on me. Now, I don't think i've learned all there is to learn. I do think that if given the opportunity to take some good classes i'd feel a little more motivated in my field. But alas...no cash.
So what do i want to do next? How do I plan on obtaining that next big goal??
well, my life is going to go to the dogs!
seriously. I love dogs. I love teaching people. I love seeing the dogs progress. So i've signed up for a class with Strega. I've purchased $100 of books. I've contacted Petco again about teaching with them again (a source of income). The cool thing is that the assistant manager said she'd like to talk to the regional manager for something or other about me teaching the instructor course! huh....that was just the boost to my ego i needed.
Maybe, juuuust maybe, if i take a "job", it'll give me the break i need from being a struggling massage therapist. Maybe it'll give me a much needed financial cushion. and ...AND maybe it'll allow me some extra money to take classes in Massage AND dog training! Hell, maybe Petco will send me to the seminars i want to take on THEIR dime!!!???
hmmmm, memory. wasn't this whole thing about memory? oh yeah. I forgot.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
well now what!?
I don't really have a topic for this rant. Here's what's been goign on in my life so far for 2010. My childhood friend lost her dad, a truly remarkable man, to complications of brain cancer. Then on January 14th, a friend of mine lost her life when she got out of her broken down vehicle. She was struck by a dump truck.
tadaaaaaah, great way to start the year huh? But here's what i'm hoping for. I'm hoping that that is the end of the bad. Last year was so difficult for so many people including my family. I struggled and all that with my business. My hubby, bless his patient soul, has supported me 100% in rebuilding the business and ....well you get the point.
this year has started so much better than last year. If you have read my posts, you know that last january i took that hideous job at the dental office out of complete and utter fear that I could not afford to buy food! It was aweful. However, this year (besides the whole 2 funerals in a month thing) has started out very nicely. I'm feeling very safe. I was able to pay off a tax bill from 2008. I had money this morning when the mechanic said my brakes were shot and needed replacing. I'm getting out and walking when the weather permits, I'm doing weightwatchers to lose the 15lbs and in general things are fantastic!
so, now what? what's next on my "to do" list.
I don't really make new years resolutions
Simplicity.
I want to reduce my debt. reduce my waste, reduce my clutter and overall simplify my existence.
I want to learn new massage techniques to further my skills in orthopedic massage. I want to reach other small businesses and "network" with them.
I want to strengthen my body
......so, I guess I've got the answer to my "now what?" quesiton
let's see how it goes
tadaaaaaah, great way to start the year huh? But here's what i'm hoping for. I'm hoping that that is the end of the bad. Last year was so difficult for so many people including my family. I struggled and all that with my business. My hubby, bless his patient soul, has supported me 100% in rebuilding the business and ....well you get the point.
this year has started so much better than last year. If you have read my posts, you know that last january i took that hideous job at the dental office out of complete and utter fear that I could not afford to buy food! It was aweful. However, this year (besides the whole 2 funerals in a month thing) has started out very nicely. I'm feeling very safe. I was able to pay off a tax bill from 2008. I had money this morning when the mechanic said my brakes were shot and needed replacing. I'm getting out and walking when the weather permits, I'm doing weightwatchers to lose the 15lbs and in general things are fantastic!
so, now what? what's next on my "to do" list.
I don't really make new years resolutions
Simplicity.
I want to reduce my debt. reduce my waste, reduce my clutter and overall simplify my existence.
I want to learn new massage techniques to further my skills in orthopedic massage. I want to reach other small businesses and "network" with them.
I want to strengthen my body
......so, I guess I've got the answer to my "now what?" quesiton
let's see how it goes
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
vaccines
Here's my problem and the problem of most parents I speak to about this.
first...Vaccines save lives.
However...Diagnostic tools for finding the many levels of developmental delay and autism are growing every day which leads to new diagnosis when they find a delay that does not fit into an existing diagnosis.The preservatives and other stabilizers they use in vaccines contain certain levels of heavy metals. The scientific community is creating more and more vaccines to help keep us alive thus more and more heavy metals and other preservatives our body can handle in small amounts...but they're accumulating in our system.
Many children that are predisposed to developmental problems are exhibiting symptoms shortly after vaccines.
So, what's the answer? there isn't one. You just have to do what's right for you and your child. Pick and choose the big important ones and hope for the best. I've met enough parents who are absolutely convinced their childs developmental delay/issue is directly related to a vaccine.
I don't know if chelation would be an option to help remove the heavy metals from the body but I know that if my child ever exhibited signs it'd be on the top of the list of things i would try.
that along with other alternative modalities like craniosacral therapy, dietary modifications, specialtists are of course included in this medly of modalitis.
I am sure that the number of people helped vs hurt makes it worth doing
first...Vaccines save lives.
However...Diagnostic tools for finding the many levels of developmental delay and autism are growing every day which leads to new diagnosis when they find a delay that does not fit into an existing diagnosis.The preservatives and other stabilizers they use in vaccines contain certain levels of heavy metals. The scientific community is creating more and more vaccines to help keep us alive thus more and more heavy metals and other preservatives our body can handle in small amounts...but they're accumulating in our system.
Many children that are predisposed to developmental problems are exhibiting symptoms shortly after vaccines.
So, what's the answer? there isn't one. You just have to do what's right for you and your child. Pick and choose the big important ones and hope for the best. I've met enough parents who are absolutely convinced their childs developmental delay/issue is directly related to a vaccine.
I don't know if chelation would be an option to help remove the heavy metals from the body but I know that if my child ever exhibited signs it'd be on the top of the list of things i would try.
that along with other alternative modalities like craniosacral therapy, dietary modifications, specialtists are of course included in this medly of modalitis.
I am sure that the number of people helped vs hurt makes it worth doing
Saturday, July 4, 2009
a one sided conversation with Sarah Palin
So I was talking to my hubby about a daydream I have
I'm not religious by any means. I believe in a higher something but do not agree with the dogma of any religion. I think Taoism might be the closest thing but that's actually a philosophy...anyway, back to my daydream
I, for some unknown reason, on a long flight next to Sarah Palin while travelling with my son. At some point in time the conversation inevitably turns to my rights over my body. I throw out a couple of scenarios like pregnancy due to rape and failed birth control with my husband. I daydreamed that I could have an affecting chat with her that would allow her to change her mind about my rights over my own body and the need for social programs and a change of the tax structure that over the last several years has been working against me to make a living at the art that is my livelihood. We discussed how one accidental pregnancy would nearly, if not actually, ruin my life. I am not covered for pregnancy through my health insurance, I might not qualify for state assistance because I'm making money. I would be self pay and that would break me. That piled on top of back taxes which are approximately 45% because I'm self employed - oh the reason they're not paid is I had to pay the electric bill for home, the gas to heat said home and food to feed my family!
so, in this daydream of a conversation, I actually make her think twice and consider changing her church run state, religious run mindset to one of open minded acceptance in which she can truly serve the needs of the people. Education and assistance over control and intolerance.
that's really it isn't it? and this conversation/daydream could apply to any politician.
I'm not religious by any means. I believe in a higher something but do not agree with the dogma of any religion. I think Taoism might be the closest thing but that's actually a philosophy...anyway, back to my daydream
I, for some unknown reason, on a long flight next to Sarah Palin while travelling with my son. At some point in time the conversation inevitably turns to my rights over my body. I throw out a couple of scenarios like pregnancy due to rape and failed birth control with my husband. I daydreamed that I could have an affecting chat with her that would allow her to change her mind about my rights over my own body and the need for social programs and a change of the tax structure that over the last several years has been working against me to make a living at the art that is my livelihood. We discussed how one accidental pregnancy would nearly, if not actually, ruin my life. I am not covered for pregnancy through my health insurance, I might not qualify for state assistance because I'm making money. I would be self pay and that would break me. That piled on top of back taxes which are approximately 45% because I'm self employed - oh the reason they're not paid is I had to pay the electric bill for home, the gas to heat said home and food to feed my family!
so, in this daydream of a conversation, I actually make her think twice and consider changing her church run state, religious run mindset to one of open minded acceptance in which she can truly serve the needs of the people. Education and assistance over control and intolerance.
that's really it isn't it? and this conversation/daydream could apply to any politician.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
grief
Which would be worse? to hear that your 20something child died at the hands of another, a random accident..or at their own hand?
I'm grappling with what to do for a friend of mine who's son is dead.
The initial report says his girlfriend and he broke up, he left a note and he walked into his front yard and shot himself in the head.
His mother says he would not do that
my question is...why the front yard?
but back to my original thought. If someone killed him, then there's that person to channel your anger on. If it's an accident...you get mad at god
if it's your own son...how do you justify being angry at them? shouldn't they have known to come to you? or their brother? that... as their mother, you would do anything for them? I'm crying at the prospect of just ever knowing my son would ever be in enough pain to need me let alone consider taking his life!
Ok, pulling myself out of that
what do I do for her? I know, be there, help with the mundane, let her do the mundane, leave her alone, bring her food, take care of the pets...
There's nothing I can do for her.
And that breaks my heart again.
I'm grappling with what to do for a friend of mine who's son is dead.
The initial report says his girlfriend and he broke up, he left a note and he walked into his front yard and shot himself in the head.
His mother says he would not do that
my question is...why the front yard?
but back to my original thought. If someone killed him, then there's that person to channel your anger on. If it's an accident...you get mad at god
if it's your own son...how do you justify being angry at them? shouldn't they have known to come to you? or their brother? that... as their mother, you would do anything for them? I'm crying at the prospect of just ever knowing my son would ever be in enough pain to need me let alone consider taking his life!
Ok, pulling myself out of that
what do I do for her? I know, be there, help with the mundane, let her do the mundane, leave her alone, bring her food, take care of the pets...
There's nothing I can do for her.
And that breaks my heart again.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
broken filter
so...my filter has been a tad torn over the last eternity. I appparently say whatever's on my mind.
Now, I personally think it's not completely true. I would like to say I take "the high road" and use phrases that are pretty neutral and don't carry blame.
but the other day I didn't. I warned my friend then let it rip
he's left his wife.
again.
this time, he was trying to figure out how to tell their 6yo daughter.
so, the neutral thing to say would have been along the lines of "i'm sure you know what your daughter can handle" or "She'll be ok"
but no.
I basically told him he had been castrated long ago and it's about fucking time he got his balls back, took control of the situation and for a change put himself before his wife or himself.
He's fucked up and so is his wife. They're SCREWING up their daughter! I came very close to saying "how dare you"
but it didn't quite make the cut and match the flow of words streaming out of my mouth
Then I broke it down to black and white. there are 2 things you need to do
create an open, honest, respectful environment for your daughter and tell her you guys are breaking up but you love her very much
1. we're breaking up - honest and respectful of her
2. we love you - create safety and security
basically, now that i have a son, i HATE to see parents screwing up their children and using them as weapons against each other!
Now, I personally think it's not completely true. I would like to say I take "the high road" and use phrases that are pretty neutral and don't carry blame.
but the other day I didn't. I warned my friend then let it rip
he's left his wife.
again.
this time, he was trying to figure out how to tell their 6yo daughter.
so, the neutral thing to say would have been along the lines of "i'm sure you know what your daughter can handle" or "She'll be ok"
but no.
I basically told him he had been castrated long ago and it's about fucking time he got his balls back, took control of the situation and for a change put himself before his wife or himself.
He's fucked up and so is his wife. They're SCREWING up their daughter! I came very close to saying "how dare you"
but it didn't quite make the cut and match the flow of words streaming out of my mouth
Then I broke it down to black and white. there are 2 things you need to do
create an open, honest, respectful environment for your daughter and tell her you guys are breaking up but you love her very much
1. we're breaking up - honest and respectful of her
2. we love you - create safety and security
basically, now that i have a son, i HATE to see parents screwing up their children and using them as weapons against each other!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
tough call
i take comfort in knowing that other families are struggling as much as mine
I'm filling out forms for assistance. I hope this works. I could use a little help. Couldn't you? Andy why do I feel guilty and bad that I need help? There's a job opportunity...I could make enough money to theoretically pull myself out of this hole. But then when I consider taking it, I feel guilty about "abandoning" my career and my clients. So what do i do? take the job, work on my clients on weekends and forfeit my family?
see the spiral. It's a strong one.
So...that's the dark side. The bright side is that I do have regular clients. The extra bright side is that the PT clinic is also keeping at least 2 clients on my schedule per week. not bad for a start right? I'm going to be giving a little 10 minute talk to the rest of the staff about who i am and what i do and what I can offer to their patients. This is such an awesome opportunity and i totally dig working there. It's so...stimulating! getting to work in a truly clinical environment rocks. So waht i'm going to keep doing is being a massage therapist. One day it'll pay off. It has in the past. It will again. you never know. Maybe once everything picks back up, my master plan of recreating the center and selling it off before movi g to the country to work in a hospital setting in a nearby city will come true. I think I'm going to make a poster for myself that states my master plan. OOh, no, maybe print pictures and make a collage...there ya go! success!!!
I'm filling out forms for assistance. I hope this works. I could use a little help. Couldn't you? Andy why do I feel guilty and bad that I need help? There's a job opportunity...I could make enough money to theoretically pull myself out of this hole. But then when I consider taking it, I feel guilty about "abandoning" my career and my clients. So what do i do? take the job, work on my clients on weekends and forfeit my family?
see the spiral. It's a strong one.
So...that's the dark side. The bright side is that I do have regular clients. The extra bright side is that the PT clinic is also keeping at least 2 clients on my schedule per week. not bad for a start right? I'm going to be giving a little 10 minute talk to the rest of the staff about who i am and what i do and what I can offer to their patients. This is such an awesome opportunity and i totally dig working there. It's so...stimulating! getting to work in a truly clinical environment rocks. So waht i'm going to keep doing is being a massage therapist. One day it'll pay off. It has in the past. It will again. you never know. Maybe once everything picks back up, my master plan of recreating the center and selling it off before movi g to the country to work in a hospital setting in a nearby city will come true. I think I'm going to make a poster for myself that states my master plan. OOh, no, maybe print pictures and make a collage...there ya go! success!!!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
on the fringe
sometimes I feel like i'm on the fringe of all my so called friends
now, one or two of them are true friends. The kind that understand what I mean when I say I feel like that friend that nobody really wants to hang out with....just almost a pity friend.
so my friend Jaq nailed it on the head today "on the fringe"
and yes, i feel that way. in almost everything I do.
I don't want to isolate myself, but I'm finding that I am less and less interested in the inner workings of interacting with other people.
I do not want the hassle of working with new contractors. I don't really want to have to "work" at friendships.
well, hold on.
I truly enjoy working with my clients. I truly enjoy the ever shrinking number of girlfriends....there's 3...at most 5 depending on the day.
I'm not close with my brother and my cousins are the closest thing to blood sisters I have. So that brings me back to the girlfriends. I was talking with one the other day while visiting my mother. After hanging up, she mentioned that she does not have any girlfriends that she can speak so openly to as I did with my friend just then. That she never really had the need, or connection with anyone like that.
I reminded her that I do not have a sister. She, however, has a built in "best friend" in her sister. There's something to be said about a sister. So, Since I don't have one, I have my girlfriends. They are my sisters.
Interesting....I just realized that all of my girlfriends, my true friends, are the ones that I can go months without speaking to and then upon our next conversation have the same connection and communication that we had...or have had over the decades that we've known each other. So, maybe I'm not on the fringe...maybe the fringe that I live in is where I'm supposed to be. With my hubby and son as my daily life. My two favorite people. My sisters are the rest of my friends/girlfriends that I connect with/spend time with/talk to when needed. They don't expect me to be around 24/7. they've got their favorite people too.
this is not a pity party. it's just an observation.
now, one or two of them are true friends. The kind that understand what I mean when I say I feel like that friend that nobody really wants to hang out with....just almost a pity friend.
so my friend Jaq nailed it on the head today "on the fringe"
and yes, i feel that way. in almost everything I do.
I don't want to isolate myself, but I'm finding that I am less and less interested in the inner workings of interacting with other people.
I do not want the hassle of working with new contractors. I don't really want to have to "work" at friendships.
well, hold on.
I truly enjoy working with my clients. I truly enjoy the ever shrinking number of girlfriends....there's 3...at most 5 depending on the day.
I'm not close with my brother and my cousins are the closest thing to blood sisters I have. So that brings me back to the girlfriends. I was talking with one the other day while visiting my mother. After hanging up, she mentioned that she does not have any girlfriends that she can speak so openly to as I did with my friend just then. That she never really had the need, or connection with anyone like that.
I reminded her that I do not have a sister. She, however, has a built in "best friend" in her sister. There's something to be said about a sister. So, Since I don't have one, I have my girlfriends. They are my sisters.
Interesting....I just realized that all of my girlfriends, my true friends, are the ones that I can go months without speaking to and then upon our next conversation have the same connection and communication that we had...or have had over the decades that we've known each other. So, maybe I'm not on the fringe...maybe the fringe that I live in is where I'm supposed to be. With my hubby and son as my daily life. My two favorite people. My sisters are the rest of my friends/girlfriends that I connect with/spend time with/talk to when needed. They don't expect me to be around 24/7. they've got their favorite people too.
this is not a pity party. it's just an observation.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
sunshine...on my shoulder
makes me so fucking happy!!!!!!
so, updates abound. I quit that job at the dental office like a hot F'ing potato with herpes! that bitch HAD to go or i was going to say things to actually make her cry!
Now, with that horrid, wretched stage of my life over, I decided to just see clients at my office 3 days a week and be a mom the rest. i LOVE it! I also decided that I'm pretty much fed up, for now, with the whole idea of being a business owner. If I'dve known I was going to own a business, I would have studied business in college THEN gotten my CMT. But no...I didn't did i!?
AAAHHH, so where does that leave me?
It left me enjoying my life....for about a week. Then I got restless as my denied adhd self tends to get. But how do I become "productive" and "successful" if I'm only working 3 days a week. I'm not making money...I'm not "doing" enough!
Oh, I know, I'll study! and even better, I'll study more clinical massage techniques. OH WAIT>>> I'll study orthopedic massage, neuromuscular therapy and stretching! then Ill be inVINceable!! MUAHAHAAHAAAA
ok, that last bit was just added
But It was along those lines. There's so many therapists out there. and honestly, most of them suck
What can i do to cement some job security for when we decide to move? Because my success is based solely on client retention and I'm pretty sure they're NOT going to follow me to another state 5 or more hours away
Study...that was my answer
so then I get an email saying that a different PT clinic was interested in bringing in Massage. So what the heck...I sent them my resume
shorten that story to ... I got the job.
now how cool is this? I want to focus on clinical massage...now I will be truly working in a clinical environment spearheading the massage department of this clinic! AWESOMe...How lucky am i? I'm so friggin grateful it's scary!
So now, when it comes time for me to leave the dc area, I can contact all of the PT/rehab departments around whatever city I decide to move to and sell the idea of establishing a massage clinic within their facilities!
yaaaaaaaaaaaa
muahahahaaaa...i'm going to take over the world pinky
so, updates abound. I quit that job at the dental office like a hot F'ing potato with herpes! that bitch HAD to go or i was going to say things to actually make her cry!
Now, with that horrid, wretched stage of my life over, I decided to just see clients at my office 3 days a week and be a mom the rest. i LOVE it! I also decided that I'm pretty much fed up, for now, with the whole idea of being a business owner. If I'dve known I was going to own a business, I would have studied business in college THEN gotten my CMT. But no...I didn't did i!?
AAAHHH, so where does that leave me?
It left me enjoying my life....for about a week. Then I got restless as my denied adhd self tends to get. But how do I become "productive" and "successful" if I'm only working 3 days a week. I'm not making money...I'm not "doing" enough!
Oh, I know, I'll study! and even better, I'll study more clinical massage techniques. OH WAIT>>> I'll study orthopedic massage, neuromuscular therapy and stretching! then Ill be inVINceable!! MUAHAHAAHAAAA
ok, that last bit was just added
But It was along those lines. There's so many therapists out there. and honestly, most of them suck
What can i do to cement some job security for when we decide to move? Because my success is based solely on client retention and I'm pretty sure they're NOT going to follow me to another state 5 or more hours away
Study...that was my answer
so then I get an email saying that a different PT clinic was interested in bringing in Massage. So what the heck...I sent them my resume
shorten that story to ... I got the job.
now how cool is this? I want to focus on clinical massage...now I will be truly working in a clinical environment spearheading the massage department of this clinic! AWESOMe...How lucky am i? I'm so friggin grateful it's scary!
So now, when it comes time for me to leave the dc area, I can contact all of the PT/rehab departments around whatever city I decide to move to and sell the idea of establishing a massage clinic within their facilities!
yaaaaaaaaaaaa
muahahahaaaa...i'm going to take over the world pinky
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