The end of another week

So, it's Friday.
yay


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yep. Friday.
What'd i do this week? well, besides wallow in my own slightly depressed mudpit, I connected with the Petco, sent out a last minute special for my business and it brought in 2 clients.

so, not too bad
I've convinced myself i'll do one thing per week to stay in touch with my clients.
So that's 4 things i will do on rotation
1. birthday emails. Send emails out to clients who'se birthdays are in that month offering a B'day discount
2. Send a newsletter with monthly specials, updates, health tidbits and zen like relaxation techniques...(sit up straight at your desk and breathe) kind of shit.
3.
4.

huh. maybe i'll just do 2 things.

I just found out that another MT I know is so fucking burnt out on doing massage and the lack of security he's going back to school to become a nurse.
Now, I dont' want to be a nurse. But it was sadly a HUGE relief for me to hear he's dying in the field as well. we've both been at this for 14+ years and seriously folks....we're done.

So, I'm back to the dogs. I told shane i can visualize trying to build a new practice in a whole new town, but for me to work at it here...i don't want to. And if you don't want something..it won't happen.

so,
when's your Birthday?
I'll send you a coupon

what memory?

So lately i've been very blonde. Forgetful, scatterbrained, uuuhhh, distracted...you get the point. Some would say it's because i have a 2 year old but I just can't believe that. Some would also like to say it's because i'm about to turn 40 (in December thank you very much). Again, I don't fall for that.

There's something up. I'm so fucking bored with my life it's killing my brain! I'm burnt out. I'm depressed. So, what's new right? welcome to the realities of our lovely economic depression (note the word "depression").

So what do i do? I don't want to market my business but i'm just barely scraping by. I would love to take classes but don't have the money for it. I DID, however, buy about a hundred bucks worth of dog training/behavior books to further my skills in the doggy world.

I've Also come to the realization that 14 years in the same career is starting to wear on me. Now, I don't think i've learned all there is to learn. I do think that if given the opportunity to take some good classes i'd feel a little more motivated in my field. But alas...no cash.

So what do i want to do next? How do I plan on obtaining that next big goal??

well, my life is going to go to the dogs!
seriously. I love dogs. I love teaching people. I love seeing the dogs progress. So i've signed up for a class with Strega. I've purchased $100 of books. I've contacted Petco again about teaching with them again (a source of income). The cool thing is that the assistant manager said she'd like to talk to the regional manager for something or other about me teaching the instructor course! huh....that was just the boost to my ego i needed.

Maybe, juuuust maybe, if i take a "job", it'll give me the break i need from being a struggling massage therapist. Maybe it'll give me a much needed financial cushion. and ...AND maybe it'll allow me some extra money to take classes in Massage AND dog training! Hell, maybe Petco will send me to the seminars i want to take on THEIR dime!!!???

hmmmm, memory. wasn't this whole thing about memory? oh yeah. I forgot.

well now what!?

I don't really have a topic for this rant. Here's what's been goign on in my life so far for 2010. My childhood friend lost her dad, a truly remarkable man, to complications of brain cancer. Then on January 14th, a friend of mine lost her life when she got out of her broken down vehicle. She was struck by a dump truck.

tadaaaaaah, great way to start the year huh? But here's what i'm hoping for. I'm hoping that that is the end of the bad. Last year was so difficult for so many people including my family. I struggled and all that with my business. My hubby, bless his patient soul, has supported me 100% in rebuilding the business and ....well you get the point.

this year has started so much better than last year. If you have read my posts, you know that last january i took that hideous job at the dental office out of complete and utter fear that I could not afford to buy food! It was aweful. However, this year (besides the whole 2 funerals in a month thing) has started out very nicely. I'm feeling very safe. I was able to pay off a tax bill from 2008. I had money this morning when the mechanic said my brakes were shot and needed replacing. I'm getting out and walking when the weather permits, I'm doing weightwatchers to lose the 15lbs and in general things are fantastic!

so, now what? what's next on my "to do" list.
I don't really make new years resolutions

Simplicity.

I want to reduce my debt. reduce my waste, reduce my clutter and overall simplify my existence.

I want to learn new massage techniques to further my skills in orthopedic massage. I want to reach other small businesses and "network" with them.

I want to strengthen my body
......so, I guess I've got the answer to my "now what?" quesiton

let's see how it goes

vaccines

Here's my problem and the problem of most parents I speak to about this.

first...Vaccines save lives.

However...Diagnostic tools for finding the many levels of developmental delay and autism are growing every day which leads to new diagnosis when they find a delay that does not fit into an existing diagnosis.The preservatives and other stabilizers they use in vaccines contain certain levels of heavy metals. The scientific community is creating more and more vaccines to help keep us alive thus more and more heavy metals and other preservatives our body can handle in small amounts...but they're accumulating in our system.
Many children that are predisposed to developmental problems are exhibiting symptoms shortly after vaccines.
So, what's the answer? there isn't one. You just have to do what's right for you and your child. Pick and choose the big important ones and hope for the best. I've met enough parents who are absolutely convinced their childs developmental delay/issue is directly related to a vaccine.
I don't know if chelation would be an option to help remove the heavy metals from the body but I know that if my child ever exhibited signs it'd be on the top of the list of things i would try.
that along with other alternative modalities like craniosacral therapy, dietary modifications, specialtists are of course included in this medly of modalitis.

I am sure that the number of people helped vs hurt makes it worth doing

a one sided conversation with Sarah Palin

So I was talking to my hubby about a daydream I have
I'm not religious by any means. I believe in a higher something but do not agree with the dogma of any religion. I think Taoism might be the closest thing but that's actually a philosophy...anyway, back to my daydream

I, for some unknown reason, on a long flight next to Sarah Palin while travelling with my son. At some point in time the conversation inevitably turns to my rights over my body. I throw out a couple of scenarios like pregnancy due to rape and failed birth control with my husband. I daydreamed that I could have an affecting chat with her that would allow her to change her mind about my rights over my own body and the need for social programs and a change of the tax structure that over the last several years has been working against me to make a living at the art that is my livelihood. We discussed how one accidental pregnancy would nearly, if not actually, ruin my life. I am not covered for pregnancy through my health insurance, I might not qualify for state assistance because I'm making money. I would be self pay and that would break me. That piled on top of back taxes which are approximately 45% because I'm self employed - oh the reason they're not paid is I had to pay the electric bill for home, the gas to heat said home and food to feed my family!

so, in this daydream of a conversation, I actually make her think twice and consider changing her church run state, religious run mindset to one of open minded acceptance in which she can truly serve the needs of the people. Education and assistance over control and intolerance.

that's really it isn't it? and this conversation/daydream could apply to any politician.

grief

Which would be worse? to hear that your 20something child died at the hands of another, a random accident..or at their own hand?

I'm grappling with what to do for a friend of mine who's son is dead.
The initial report says his girlfriend and he broke up, he left a note and he walked into his front yard and shot himself in the head.

His mother says he would not do that

my question is...why the front yard?

but back to my original thought. If someone killed him, then there's that person to channel your anger on. If it's an accident...you get mad at god

if it's your own son...how do you justify being angry at them? shouldn't they have known to come to you? or their brother? that... as their mother, you would do anything for them? I'm crying at the prospect of just ever knowing my son would ever be in enough pain to need me let alone consider taking his life!

Ok, pulling myself out of that

what do I do for her? I know, be there, help with the mundane, let her do the mundane, leave her alone, bring her food, take care of the pets...

There's nothing I can do for her.
And that breaks my heart again.

broken filter

so...my filter has been a tad torn over the last eternity. I appparently say whatever's on my mind.
Now, I personally think it's not completely true. I would like to say I take "the high road" and use phrases that are pretty neutral and don't carry blame.
but the other day I didn't. I warned my friend then let it rip

he's left his wife.
again.
this time, he was trying to figure out how to tell their 6yo daughter.

so, the neutral thing to say would have been along the lines of "i'm sure you know what your daughter can handle" or "She'll be ok"

but no.

I basically told him he had been castrated long ago and it's about fucking time he got his balls back, took control of the situation and for a change put himself before his wife or himself.
He's fucked up and so is his wife. They're SCREWING up their daughter! I came very close to saying "how dare you"
but it didn't quite make the cut and match the flow of words streaming out of my mouth

Then I broke it down to black and white. there are 2 things you need to do
create an open, honest, respectful environment for your daughter and tell her you guys are breaking up but you love her very much
1. we're breaking up - honest and respectful of her
2. we love you - create safety and security

basically, now that i have a son, i HATE to see parents screwing up their children and using them as weapons against each other!