Tuesday, April 14, 2009

on the fringe

sometimes I feel like i'm on the fringe of all my so called friends
now, one or two of them are true friends. The kind that understand what I mean when I say I feel like that friend that nobody really wants to hang out with....just almost a pity friend.

so my friend Jaq nailed it on the head today "on the fringe"
and yes, i feel that way. in almost everything I do.
I don't want to isolate myself, but I'm finding that I am less and less interested in the inner workings of interacting with other people.

I do not want the hassle of working with new contractors. I don't really want to have to "work" at friendships.

well, hold on.

I truly enjoy working with my clients. I truly enjoy the ever shrinking number of girlfriends....there's 3...at most 5 depending on the day.

I'm not close with my brother and my cousins are the closest thing to blood sisters I have. So that brings me back to the girlfriends. I was talking with one the other day while visiting my mother. After hanging up, she mentioned that she does not have any girlfriends that she can speak so openly to as I did with my friend just then. That she never really had the need, or connection with anyone like that.
I reminded her that I do not have a sister. She, however, has a built in "best friend" in her sister. There's something to be said about a sister. So, Since I don't have one, I have my girlfriends. They are my sisters.
Interesting....I just realized that all of my girlfriends, my true friends, are the ones that I can go months without speaking to and then upon our next conversation have the same connection and communication that we had...or have had over the decades that we've known each other. So, maybe I'm not on the fringe...maybe the fringe that I live in is where I'm supposed to be. With my hubby and son as my daily life. My two favorite people. My sisters are the rest of my friends/girlfriends that I connect with/spend time with/talk to when needed. They don't expect me to be around 24/7. they've got their favorite people too.

this is not a pity party. it's just an observation.

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