Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Here's my problem and the problem of most parents I speak to about this.

first...Vaccines save lives.

However...Diagnostic tools for finding the many levels of developmental delay and autism are growing every day which leads to new diagnosis when they find a delay that does not fit into an existing diagnosis.The preservatives and other stabilizers they use in vaccines contain certain levels of heavy metals. The scientific community is creating more and more vaccines to help keep us alive thus more and more heavy metals and other preservatives our body can handle in small amounts...but they're accumulating in our system.
Many children that are predisposed to developmental problems are exhibiting symptoms shortly after vaccines.
So, what's the answer? there isn't one. You just have to do what's right for you and your child. Pick and choose the big important ones and hope for the best. I've met enough parents who are absolutely convinced their childs developmental delay/issue is directly related to a vaccine.
I don't know if chelation would be an option to help remove the heavy metals from the body but I know that if my child ever exhibited signs it'd be on the top of the list of things i would try.
that along with other alternative modalities like craniosacral therapy, dietary modifications, specialtists are of course included in this medly of modalitis.

I am sure that the number of people helped vs hurt makes it worth doing

Saturday, July 4, 2009

a one sided conversation with Sarah Palin

So I was talking to my hubby about a daydream I have
I'm not religious by any means. I believe in a higher something but do not agree with the dogma of any religion. I think Taoism might be the closest thing but that's actually a philosophy...anyway, back to my daydream

I, for some unknown reason, on a long flight next to Sarah Palin while travelling with my son. At some point in time the conversation inevitably turns to my rights over my body. I throw out a couple of scenarios like pregnancy due to rape and failed birth control with my husband. I daydreamed that I could have an affecting chat with her that would allow her to change her mind about my rights over my own body and the need for social programs and a change of the tax structure that over the last several years has been working against me to make a living at the art that is my livelihood. We discussed how one accidental pregnancy would nearly, if not actually, ruin my life. I am not covered for pregnancy through my health insurance, I might not qualify for state assistance because I'm making money. I would be self pay and that would break me. That piled on top of back taxes which are approximately 45% because I'm self employed - oh the reason they're not paid is I had to pay the electric bill for home, the gas to heat said home and food to feed my family!

so, in this daydream of a conversation, I actually make her think twice and consider changing her church run state, religious run mindset to one of open minded acceptance in which she can truly serve the needs of the people. Education and assistance over control and intolerance.

that's really it isn't it? and this conversation/daydream could apply to any politician.

Saturday, June 20, 2009


Which would be worse? to hear that your 20something child died at the hands of another, a random accident..or at their own hand?

I'm grappling with what to do for a friend of mine who's son is dead.
The initial report says his girlfriend and he broke up, he left a note and he walked into his front yard and shot himself in the head.

His mother says he would not do that

my question is...why the front yard?

but back to my original thought. If someone killed him, then there's that person to channel your anger on. If it's an accident...you get mad at god

if it's your own son...how do you justify being angry at them? shouldn't they have known to come to you? or their brother? that... as their mother, you would do anything for them? I'm crying at the prospect of just ever knowing my son would ever be in enough pain to need me let alone consider taking his life!

Ok, pulling myself out of that

what do I do for her? I know, be there, help with the mundane, let her do the mundane, leave her alone, bring her food, take care of the pets...

There's nothing I can do for her.
And that breaks my heart again.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

broken filter

so...my filter has been a tad torn over the last eternity. I appparently say whatever's on my mind.
Now, I personally think it's not completely true. I would like to say I take "the high road" and use phrases that are pretty neutral and don't carry blame.
but the other day I didn't. I warned my friend then let it rip

he's left his wife.
this time, he was trying to figure out how to tell their 6yo daughter.

so, the neutral thing to say would have been along the lines of "i'm sure you know what your daughter can handle" or "She'll be ok"

but no.

I basically told him he had been castrated long ago and it's about fucking time he got his balls back, took control of the situation and for a change put himself before his wife or himself.
He's fucked up and so is his wife. They're SCREWING up their daughter! I came very close to saying "how dare you"
but it didn't quite make the cut and match the flow of words streaming out of my mouth

Then I broke it down to black and white. there are 2 things you need to do
create an open, honest, respectful environment for your daughter and tell her you guys are breaking up but you love her very much
1. we're breaking up - honest and respectful of her
2. we love you - create safety and security

basically, now that i have a son, i HATE to see parents screwing up their children and using them as weapons against each other!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

tough call

i take comfort in knowing that other families are struggling as much as mine

I'm filling out forms for assistance. I hope this works. I could use a little help. Couldn't you? Andy why do I feel guilty and bad that I need help? There's a job opportunity...I could make enough money to theoretically pull myself out of this hole. But then when I consider taking it, I feel guilty about "abandoning" my career and my clients. So what do i do? take the job, work on my clients on weekends and forfeit my family?

see the spiral. It's a strong one.

So...that's the dark side. The bright side is that I do have regular clients. The extra bright side is that the PT clinic is also keeping at least 2 clients on my schedule per week. not bad for a start right? I'm going to be giving a little 10 minute talk to the rest of the staff about who i am and what i do and what I can offer to their patients. This is such an awesome opportunity and i totally dig working there. It's so...stimulating! getting to work in a truly clinical environment rocks. So waht i'm going to keep doing is being a massage therapist. One day it'll pay off. It has in the past. It will again. you never know. Maybe once everything picks back up, my master plan of recreating the center and selling it off before movi g to the country to work in a hospital setting in a nearby city will come true. I think I'm going to make a poster for myself that states my master plan. OOh, no, maybe print pictures and make a collage...there ya go! success!!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

on the fringe

sometimes I feel like i'm on the fringe of all my so called friends
now, one or two of them are true friends. The kind that understand what I mean when I say I feel like that friend that nobody really wants to hang out with....just almost a pity friend.

so my friend Jaq nailed it on the head today "on the fringe"
and yes, i feel that way. in almost everything I do.
I don't want to isolate myself, but I'm finding that I am less and less interested in the inner workings of interacting with other people.

I do not want the hassle of working with new contractors. I don't really want to have to "work" at friendships.

well, hold on.

I truly enjoy working with my clients. I truly enjoy the ever shrinking number of girlfriends....there's 3...at most 5 depending on the day.

I'm not close with my brother and my cousins are the closest thing to blood sisters I have. So that brings me back to the girlfriends. I was talking with one the other day while visiting my mother. After hanging up, she mentioned that she does not have any girlfriends that she can speak so openly to as I did with my friend just then. That she never really had the need, or connection with anyone like that.
I reminded her that I do not have a sister. She, however, has a built in "best friend" in her sister. There's something to be said about a sister. So, Since I don't have one, I have my girlfriends. They are my sisters.
Interesting....I just realized that all of my girlfriends, my true friends, are the ones that I can go months without speaking to and then upon our next conversation have the same connection and communication that we had...or have had over the decades that we've known each other. So, maybe I'm not on the fringe...maybe the fringe that I live in is where I'm supposed to be. With my hubby and son as my daily life. My two favorite people. My sisters are the rest of my friends/girlfriends that I connect with/spend time with/talk to when needed. They don't expect me to be around 24/7. they've got their favorite people too.

this is not a pity party. it's just an observation.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

sunshine...on my shoulder

makes me so fucking happy!!!!!!

so, updates abound. I quit that job at the dental office like a hot F'ing potato with herpes! that bitch HAD to go or i was going to say things to actually make her cry!
Now, with that horrid, wretched stage of my life over, I decided to just see clients at my office 3 days a week and be a mom the rest. i LOVE it! I also decided that I'm pretty much fed up, for now, with the whole idea of being a business owner. If I'dve known I was going to own a business, I would have studied business in college THEN gotten my CMT. But no...I didn't did i!?

AAAHHH, so where does that leave me?
It left me enjoying my life....for about a week. Then I got restless as my denied adhd self tends to get. But how do I become "productive" and "successful" if I'm only working 3 days a week. I'm not making money...I'm not "doing" enough!

Oh, I know, I'll study! and even better, I'll study more clinical massage techniques. OH WAIT>>> I'll study orthopedic massage, neuromuscular therapy and stretching! then Ill be inVINceable!! MUAHAHAAHAAAA

ok, that last bit was just added
But It was along those lines. There's so many therapists out there. and honestly, most of them suck
What can i do to cement some job security for when we decide to move? Because my success is based solely on client retention and I'm pretty sure they're NOT going to follow me to another state 5 or more hours away

Study...that was my answer

so then I get an email saying that a different PT clinic was interested in bringing in Massage. So what the heck...I sent them my resume
shorten that story to ... I got the job.
now how cool is this? I want to focus on clinical massage...now I will be truly working in a clinical environment spearheading the massage department of this clinic! AWESOMe...How lucky am i? I'm so friggin grateful it's scary!

So now, when it comes time for me to leave the dc area, I can contact all of the PT/rehab departments around whatever city I decide to move to and sell the idea of establishing a massage clinic within their facilities!
muahahahaaaa...i'm going to take over the world pinky

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Mole Rat

This little animal is called the Naked Mole Rat and is from North Africa.

So if you are having a bad day and feeling sorry for yourself, remember:

You could look like a dick with buck teeth.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

well, i'm quite a bit more optimistic.
The PT thing didn't work out, but i've got an interview for another spa next week. i'm also going to contact a few other spas in the area. I'm also picking up Saturdays at the office and if Thursdays open up I'll work those.
With the incredibly low overhead, I can work 3 days massaging and not have to stay in leesburg.

aaaahhhhh, light at the end of the tunnel

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


so here's my day

I'm still at the dental office. need i say more?
I had a wonderful interview with the office manager of the Physical Therapy department right across the street from friday's in cascades.then came home, had a nice dinner, watched some tv....then opened an email that let me know my saturday person just quit.

i feel like a fucking failure. I feel like I..ME..I have done something wrong to cause the disintegration of my business. I do NOT see this as an opportunity for change. I do NOT feel good about it. I feel like I have been making poor decisions and I am fucking crying! ME...I'm just broken.
I do not know where to turn other than my friends. Shane is right and the little voice in my head is right...this will all work out but FUCK...how much more will it take? when did it go left and I went right? It feels like it took a turn years ago (the busienss) that I missed...Granted, I've been saying that I'd love to NOT be the boss anymore...maybe that spoken thought has finally manifested itself? The new space in reston...well, it's temporary and it's not mine.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

For that matter

Apply all these questions to Judaism....
what's the deal with Hannukah?
I freely admit I'm uneducated and should probably take a comparative religion class.

origin of christmas gifts?

Ok, I have a legitimate question. What's the origin of gift giving for Christmas? Also, do Christians who want to keep the Christ in Christmas celebrate Santa Clause? if so, aren't they de-christ'ing Christmas by joining in the Santa-delusions for their children?

How do Christians separate Santa from Christmas? or do they?

If they're giving gifts representative of the Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh, are they saying that they deserve the gifts of the "king"? Cuz isn't THAT a little presumptious?

If they're wanting to keep the Christ in Christmas...what do they consider keeping him in?
Who took him out in the first place? By celebrating Santa, aren't THEY taking him out themselves? I'm pretty sure their children aren't looking forward to Christmas mass nearly as much as they are that fat guy dropping gifts down their chimney? And as far as that goes, if we can get our children to easily believe in Santa because he brings good, tangiable things...what should we say Jesus brings to make children believe he really died and came back? Cuz that's one Hell of a magic trick!

Anyhoo, I'm honestly curious about these rituals.
Happy New Year