grief

Which would be worse? to hear that your 20something child died at the hands of another, a random accident..or at their own hand?

I'm grappling with what to do for a friend of mine who's son is dead.
The initial report says his girlfriend and he broke up, he left a note and he walked into his front yard and shot himself in the head.

His mother says he would not do that

my question is...why the front yard?

but back to my original thought. If someone killed him, then there's that person to channel your anger on. If it's an accident...you get mad at god

if it's your own son...how do you justify being angry at them? shouldn't they have known to come to you? or their brother? that... as their mother, you would do anything for them? I'm crying at the prospect of just ever knowing my son would ever be in enough pain to need me let alone consider taking his life!

Ok, pulling myself out of that

what do I do for her? I know, be there, help with the mundane, let her do the mundane, leave her alone, bring her food, take care of the pets...

There's nothing I can do for her.
And that breaks my heart again.

broken filter

so...my filter has been a tad torn over the last eternity. I appparently say whatever's on my mind.
Now, I personally think it's not completely true. I would like to say I take "the high road" and use phrases that are pretty neutral and don't carry blame.
but the other day I didn't. I warned my friend then let it rip

he's left his wife.
again.
this time, he was trying to figure out how to tell their 6yo daughter.

so, the neutral thing to say would have been along the lines of "i'm sure you know what your daughter can handle" or "She'll be ok"

but no.

I basically told him he had been castrated long ago and it's about fucking time he got his balls back, took control of the situation and for a change put himself before his wife or himself.
He's fucked up and so is his wife. They're SCREWING up their daughter! I came very close to saying "how dare you"
but it didn't quite make the cut and match the flow of words streaming out of my mouth

Then I broke it down to black and white. there are 2 things you need to do
create an open, honest, respectful environment for your daughter and tell her you guys are breaking up but you love her very much
1. we're breaking up - honest and respectful of her
2. we love you - create safety and security

basically, now that i have a son, i HATE to see parents screwing up their children and using them as weapons against each other!