Things that make you go hmmmm.......

Are they really SERIOUS?!?!?

Amazon Add

drunk as a skunk

So I knew a girl..She used the phrase "drunk as a skunk" and i never quite knew what she meant...other than she was well...wasted
boy AM I!!!
One of my friends has a vineyard tour as her bachelorette part. OMG!! several glasses later (probably bottles) I'm happy to say I've got my first real "drunk" since i had my kid.

man i'm sure i'll go to hell for this, but DAMN i miss the drunk!
oh, don't be upset...i'm not feeding the boy "toxic milk"

i pumped
more than you wanted to know???
shouldn'tve checked in.....
ta ta

wise words from my 5 month old

m,xzdcaAAAA nAAAAAAAAA n u j ,msev 0 yuuh .

Money....That's what i want

well, not actually. I'd love to live without the STRESS of money!
I could play the lottery....but i need the dollar for gas to get to work to earn actual money

I could wait for a rich relative to die and leave me everything....but i don't have one and the only relatives that might leave me something mean more to me alive than dead.

I could get over myself and actually market my business in a manner that would bring in clients!!???

I have no response for that. Anyone want to do that job for me? I don't have the cash to pay you. BUT, i can pay in trade. I give a fantastic massage!
Really, ask anyone.
ok
so no takers huh?
how about just giving me money?
back to that again
Money....That's what i want.

My Husband rocks!!! He made this bed out of trees and branches from our property.

Awesome!

wtf??

So just a few questions from the wee little bit between my ears...
I was listening to the radio the other day and heard a tidbit about someone who had written a book...an entire friggin book about the weaknesses of our country, borders etc and listed some of the many ways we could be attacked by our enemy.
uhhh....
why?
Seriously? Why would you write that? Let's give people who don't like us, and have the idea that we should all be shot or bombed or something..., a way to do it!?? MY GOD! WHY THE HELL would you write that? I mean, they've got their own imagination. ooh, wait. Unless you're writing it to let them know we will see them coming?
oh..nope. If that's the case, then you've done about a decades worth of work for them and now they know what ways to not try...
it's like taking a pre-teen kid that never thought of doing drugs and layin' out a table full of drugs and telling him what each of them does and how to get them.
Gee, thanks officer...I never knew the best place to buy recreational drugs is the corner of Oak and Fry St, Denton, TX (back in 1995).

Think people....

Anybody know an exorcist?

I have some serious demons in my kitchen that need exorcising.... with names like Ghiradelli, Hershey and Fluff..... the only way I know to get rid of them would require lots of follow up in the exercising department - another area of life that I'm probably hazier on than I should be...

thank you!

And this, folks, is why i love my friends.
Who else is going to send you posts about cakes for your early morning, pre-coffee viewing?
wtf!?
ok, so i get that baby butt's are cute. But do you really want to eat the cake? And how increeeedibly self centered to you have to be to have a cake of yourself at your wedding. She didn't even include a cupcake sculpture of her husband!?? Y'know (crazybitch) this day wouldn't even be happening if that sucker you call a husband hadn't made the collossal mistake of proposing to you!
Do you think her friends and family took turns cutting into it? Symbolically killing that lovely bride? Id've paid a buck to slice an ear off personally. Just because.
Also, it sort of makes you wonder about her need to make everyone "eat" her. hmmm, I'm sure everyone can secretly say "ew" now to the instant photo in your head where the blushing bride (HA) is the center of her own fantastic orgy. 'I want everyone to eat me!'
Holy shit people...do you think she thought of THAT when she was ordering the cake?
ew...again....ew

ok... seriously funny shit.

you HAVE to check this out...... maybe for your next office get together?

oh, and just so you know, if I had been at your baby shower, you'd have gotten this

or if you're more in the mood for a catchy tune.....

bad mom?

Ok, so why the caffeine reference? Well, i have a 5 month old little boy.
He's actually rediculously easy. Not really fussy, very easy going (the most beautiful baby if I am to believe what EVERYONE tells me lol)...but, like all babies, i have to wake up at least once a night.
This is not one of those no-one told me moments. I'm a realist about my boy and the sleep deprivation that accompanies children. Anyone who bitches about it to anyone other than good close friends who know you are just sleep deprived and need a shoulder to cry on before passing out, really wasn't ready to have kids in the first place.
Oh, exceptions to that rule?.....none
Yes, i know some children are worse than others...tough
you really should've done some research before getting knocked up. It's a huuuge chore being pregnant, giving up vices, changing your work schedule, dealing with the damn little einstein crap, the smell of diapers....
if you plan on bitching about it, you're not ready. Expect the worst and just be surprised if it's not as bad as you thought. If it is as bad as you though, well you've still got that amazing, beautiful baby that smiles when you walk in the room right? If that's not worth all the hard work, I dont' know what is.

oh...it's gross. Truly gross when your kid goes 3 days without a poop then shits himself to the point of needing a bath. But it's part of the territory. Plus, he looks so happy and releived after all the hard work of filling a diaper. By the way, even though I know that's what he's doing, I laugh at the faces he makes working sooo hard to fill that diaper for me.
"go baby go" and "fill up that diaper sweetie" are often heard in my house. When he's done "wow, you must feel sooo much better"

Oh, funny bad mom story. When he was probably about a month old, changing a diaper, I reached for a clean diaper when i heard what could only be described as 'one pissed off baby' and water running.....you know what's coming??? it's better than what you think. I truly wish i had had a video camera on this...
I looked back and saw he was red faced, trying to use his hands to block the stream of PISS landing straight on his face!!!!
I laughed so hard i had tears in my eyes! poor guy was furious! So, i cleaned him up and calmed him down, laughing the whole time. So what makes me a bad mom about that? Not that I let it happen, but that I thought it was so damn funny I told EVERYONE about it!

Ok then....that's a looong bit of blather over a morning cup of coffee to help wake me up enough to go into his room, turn off the einstein tv thing and play with him for a while.

virgin posting!!!

Well, helloooooo blog world!
I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but I've joined the ranks of millions to purge my brain onto the somewhat unsuspecting internet.
What, praytell shall I write about!? Well, I think it'll be sort of my "no-one told me" idea from a few years ago. Basically, I came up with an idea (and went so far as to buy the domain name) to have a website that shared all sorts of information, that when I found out about it, made me say things like "why the hell didn't i know this before!???"
y'know, generally life changing information that, when shared with those around you, everyone already seemed to know! They just didn't see the importance of sharing the information. Information that, once known, seems like common knowledge.

So, I'm going to post my "EUREKA" moments here on the blog
There will, inevitably, be posts about my daily life and the brilliant people I meet. The infathomable intelligence of others will be discussed.
So
Here it is world
my first blog.
or...there it was