on the fringe

sometimes I feel like i'm on the fringe of all my so called friends
now, one or two of them are true friends. The kind that understand what I mean when I say I feel like that friend that nobody really wants to hang out with....just almost a pity friend.

so my friend Jaq nailed it on the head today "on the fringe"
and yes, i feel that way. in almost everything I do.
I don't want to isolate myself, but I'm finding that I am less and less interested in the inner workings of interacting with other people.

I do not want the hassle of working with new contractors. I don't really want to have to "work" at friendships.

well, hold on.

I truly enjoy working with my clients. I truly enjoy the ever shrinking number of girlfriends....there's 3...at most 5 depending on the day.

I'm not close with my brother and my cousins are the closest thing to blood sisters I have. So that brings me back to the girlfriends. I was talking with one the other day while visiting my mother. After hanging up, she mentioned that she does not have any girlfriends that she can speak so openly to as I did with my friend just then. That she never really had the need, or connection with anyone like that.
I reminded her that I do not have a sister. She, however, has a built in "best friend" in her sister. There's something to be said about a sister. So, Since I don't have one, I have my girlfriends. They are my sisters.
Interesting....I just realized that all of my girlfriends, my true friends, are the ones that I can go months without speaking to and then upon our next conversation have the same connection and communication that we had...or have had over the decades that we've known each other. So, maybe I'm not on the fringe...maybe the fringe that I live in is where I'm supposed to be. With my hubby and son as my daily life. My two favorite people. My sisters are the rest of my friends/girlfriends that I connect with/spend time with/talk to when needed. They don't expect me to be around 24/7. they've got their favorite people too.

this is not a pity party. it's just an observation.

sunshine...on my shoulder

makes me so fucking happy!!!!!!

so, updates abound. I quit that job at the dental office like a hot F'ing potato with herpes! that bitch HAD to go or i was going to say things to actually make her cry!
Now, with that horrid, wretched stage of my life over, I decided to just see clients at my office 3 days a week and be a mom the rest. i LOVE it! I also decided that I'm pretty much fed up, for now, with the whole idea of being a business owner. If I'dve known I was going to own a business, I would have studied business in college THEN gotten my CMT. But no...I didn't did i!?

AAAHHH, so where does that leave me?
It left me enjoying my life....for about a week. Then I got restless as my denied adhd self tends to get. But how do I become "productive" and "successful" if I'm only working 3 days a week. I'm not making money...I'm not "doing" enough!

Oh, I know, I'll study! and even better, I'll study more clinical massage techniques. OH WAIT>>> I'll study orthopedic massage, neuromuscular therapy and stretching! then Ill be inVINceable!! MUAHAHAAHAAAA

ok, that last bit was just added
But It was along those lines. There's so many therapists out there. and honestly, most of them suck
What can i do to cement some job security for when we decide to move? Because my success is based solely on client retention and I'm pretty sure they're NOT going to follow me to another state 5 or more hours away

Study...that was my answer

so then I get an email saying that a different PT clinic was interested in bringing in Massage. So what the heck...I sent them my resume
shorten that story to ... I got the job.
now how cool is this? I want to focus on clinical massage...now I will be truly working in a clinical environment spearheading the massage department of this clinic! AWESOMe...How lucky am i? I'm so friggin grateful it's scary!

So now, when it comes time for me to leave the dc area, I can contact all of the PT/rehab departments around whatever city I decide to move to and sell the idea of establishing a massage clinic within their facilities!
yaaaaaaaaaaaa
muahahahaaaa...i'm going to take over the world pinky

Mole Rat

This little animal is called the Naked Mole Rat and is from North Africa.





So if you are having a bad day and feeling sorry for yourself, remember:

You could look like a dick with buck teeth.

well, i'm quite a bit more optimistic.
The PT thing didn't work out, but i've got an interview for another spa next week. i'm also going to contact a few other spas in the area. I'm also picking up Saturdays at the office and if Thursdays open up I'll work those.
With the incredibly low overhead, I can work 3 days massaging and not have to stay in leesburg.

aaaahhhhh, light at the end of the tunnel

vomit

so here's my day

I'm still at the dental office. need i say more?
I had a wonderful interview with the office manager of the Physical Therapy department right across the street from friday's in cascades.then came home, had a nice dinner, watched some tv....then opened an email that let me know my saturday person just quit.

i feel like a fucking failure. I feel like I..ME..I have done something wrong to cause the disintegration of my business. I do NOT see this as an opportunity for change. I do NOT feel good about it. I feel like I have been making poor decisions and I am fucking crying! ME...I'm just broken.
I do not know where to turn other than my friends. Shane is right and the little voice in my head is right...this will all work out but FUCK...how much more will it take? when did it go left and I went right? It feels like it took a turn years ago (the busienss) that I missed...Granted, I've been saying that I'd love to NOT be the boss anymore...maybe that spoken thought has finally manifested itself? The new space in reston...well, it's temporary and it's not mine.

For that matter

Apply all these questions to Judaism....
what's the deal with Hannukah?
I freely admit I'm uneducated and should probably take a comparative religion class.

origin of christmas gifts?

Ok, I have a legitimate question. What's the origin of gift giving for Christmas? Also, do Christians who want to keep the Christ in Christmas celebrate Santa Clause? if so, aren't they de-christ'ing Christmas by joining in the Santa-delusions for their children?

How do Christians separate Santa from Christmas? or do they?

If they're giving gifts representative of the Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh, are they saying that they deserve the gifts of the "king"? Cuz isn't THAT a little presumptious?

If they're wanting to keep the Christ in Christmas...what do they consider keeping him in?
Who took him out in the first place? By celebrating Santa, aren't THEY taking him out themselves? I'm pretty sure their children aren't looking forward to Christmas mass nearly as much as they are that fat guy dropping gifts down their chimney? And as far as that goes, if we can get our children to easily believe in Santa because he brings good, tangiable things...what should we say Jesus brings to make children believe he really died and came back? Cuz that's one Hell of a magic trick!

Anyhoo, I'm honestly curious about these rituals.
Happy New Year