Oct 20, 2007
stories for the kid
So as many of you know...I have a vivid imagination. I know - i know....amazing. I'm SO calm and level headed you'd never think i could make up crazy stories. but i do. So here's one of the stories i've made up lately.
When asked "mommy, where did I come from?" (sometime in the future by the little Steddum child who willl be nothing but joy and angelic compliance to all my whims, demands, etc - note the vivid imagination already starting)
I will respond...well sweetie pie, you're actually an alien love child.
"Huh??" will more than likely be the sweet child's response (OR the poor thing will be so used to my outlandish stories that it'll just walk away)
If he/she wants a response, here it is.
Back in July of 2007, your father went to the local pub Chelsea's for lunch before picking me up at the airport. The local bar floozie, who firmly believed she had been abducted by aliens the night before, and was sharing the story with anyone who was unfortunate to be in earshot, was enamoured by your dad's beautiful eyes and was fervently trying to pick him up.
When trying to give him a lap dance, which he successfully deflecting by standing up She spilled her drink on him. He got his check and came to the airport to pick me up.
Well apparently, the little floozie wasn't kidding about being abducted by aliens. They were, however, VERY inept aliens who hadn't learned how to use their new implantation equipment. Therefore, leaving an implant pod on her nose instead of implanting it INTO her! I said they were inept...let's add stupid too. So, when she was trying to take a sip from the beer that she spilled on your dad, it would seem that she had also dipped her nose in the drink, dislodging the pod into the beer which became lodged onto your dad's shirt when she spilled her drink on him.
Later that weekend, my bellybutton started itching reeeally bad. I thought i'd gotten a bug bite of some sort and just forgot about it. It would seem that the pod was transferred from her nose, to her drink, to your dad, then onto me. It found it's way to my bellybutton and burrowed into my stomach where it grew for close to 10 months and then out you came!!
I figured, if you were smarter than all your alien buddies....smart enough to find your way into my belly, grow, not kill me and come out looking so incredibly beautiful and cute...Your dad and I just HAD to keep you and raise you as one of our own.
So...that's where you came from.
hey...kid...you awake?? darn...fell asleep again during one of my stories.. Oh well. I'm sure i can make up more for another time.